Our Okie Road

1808, 2304 & OKC

2012-02-21T09:14:00.001-08:00

When Kathy and I first got married we lived a few blocks from downtown Oklahoma City.

Often we told people we lived in Heritage Hills East, since across the street was a well known historic neighborhood made up of doctors, lawyers and such living in million dollar homes built by the oil-made elite of the boom.

We lived on the top floor of 1808, a two-story condo, which was far from a restored urban jewel on the edge of the city's core. The windows were no match for Oklahoma's gusty winter winds and the air conditioner couldn't keep down the summer sweat.

Since we were both working near the State Capitol and spent most of our time around downtown, the location was ideal. We also had a modern day Melrose Place. A close friend lived in the bottom unit and two other friends lived in the adjoining duplex that shared our driveway. We both have a lot of good stories from 1808 - some we can tell, most we probably wouldn't want to.

As far as a place to call home, it really wasn't, not to mention Kathy was trying to blend her style with mine, in a place I lived long before we met.

There were quite a few reasons that played into our decision to give up the urban lifestyle and head away from Robinson Avenue:

We rented and wanted to own. We looked at some surrounding historic neighborhoods such as Mesta Park, Edgemere Park, Miller Neighborhood and Crown Heights for our first home. All the houses we found were either priced over our budget or would take an addition budget to revitalize. I also know what a pain it can be to go through the proper processes when making additions or changes to historic properties, including energy efficient upgrades.
Safety. There were many times we found a person passed out on our porch and had a lot of things stolen from our property. I also found myself worrying when Kathy would leave or get to the house when she was by herself.
Bills. Often times our electric and gas topped $500. This alone justified a move.
A lot of our friends were having kids and moving to north Oklahoma City or Edmond.
It was becoming more and more difficult to get the owner of the property to maintain or fix issues.
I wanted land to plant a garden.

So almost five years ago to the day, we found and purchased a house in the Village, a town inside Oklahoma City limits near Britton and Pennsylvania Avenue.

The house we are in has served us well and we've made it a home. We've invested a lot to fix it up better than when we bought it. Just like 1808, 2304 has been a part of many new memories for us, however we are weighing other reasons to move again, farther away from the core.

A new perspective

There are many reasons I'm proud to call Oklahoma City “my city.” Besides the energy ignited by the Oklahoma City Thunder that has created a common thread tying the community together, the resurgence and creation of business districts such as the Plaza District, Western Avenue, the Paseo, Classen Curve, the 23rd Street Corridor and Downtown gives me a reason to stay.

We also have a growing creative class of individuals coming together, painting a new perspective of a metro once only associated with horses, tipis and cowboys.

Oklahoma City is a small town spread over 622 square miles. A place where you could eat your way through the culinary encyclopedia without leaving the city limits - Ethiopian, Vietnamese, German, French, Guatemalan, Italian, Indian and Mediterranean are a few staples of cultures that adds to the quality of life.

We have a lot of things going for us. Our future looks bright.

It doesn't hurt that my job allows me to serve the citizens, which provides me a deeper connection to this momentum.

With that being said

We are planning to add to the sprawl of Oklahoma City and I'm ok with that. For us it is necessary, exciting and worthwhile, but does come with some pain.

One main reason we are looking in all directions but the middle is education.

Either because of perception or reality, in my opinion education is at the core of urban sprawl and it is one of the main reasons young professionals have fled to the edges or into another town.

I know there are a lot of parents who can tell me the laurels of the district and I also know a lot of kids in the system who are excelling and will do great things.

I have a lot of friends that teach or serve a support role within the district. They are working hard to change things and I commend them for their service. The Oklahoma City City Council is also working with the school district to assist in improving the situation. Only time will tell if this partnership will be as successful as programs such as MAPS 4 Kids. I have hope in the leadership because I know them personally.

With that being said, I know this kind of change doesn't happen overnight and because of that we're packing up and likely moving even further north.

The positive is that we will still be in Oklahoma City, although a lot of realtors will tell you it is Edmond as a selling point. Just a tip, when you want to know if you are in the city limits, just look at the trash can.

So we are thinking of starting down yet another road. A new baby, why not a new house. Yes, you can call us gluttons for punishment, but we wouldn't have it any other way. A little chaos is good for the soul, right?

I'll keep telling myself that.

* Update 02/28/12: Too often criticisms are aired without putting forth an effort to be part of the solution. Since writing the original entry, I have submitted my application to be a tutor one day a week at an OKCPS school. This was made possible by a partnership with the City and the school district, allowing City staff to donate their time during the work and school day. I'm hopeful this pilot program will continue to grow and help better ensure the success of current and future OKCPS students.

13

2012-02-16T16:37:00.000-08:00

As in the number of pounds I've gained since I've been tasked with growing a human. Let me just start out by saying I realize this particular blog post may not win me any fans. I am not complaining about my weight gain or trying to gain sympathy about my particular body type. I am simply sharing my experience. I am a woman and therefore know weight can be a touchy subject. This is not meant to upset anyone, but more to rejoice in the fact that this momma-to-be has packed on 13 whole pounds.

I have always had trouble gaining weight. I was so sick in the beginning of my pregnancy, I actually lost weight. So, you can imagine the party that was had when I stepped on the scale at my last doctor's appointment and saw I had gained weight. I actually called my mother as soon as I got in the car and shared. It felt much like bringing home a report card with straight A's to your parents.

As you read in an earlier post, I am being fed well thanks to my very attentive husband. I am sure the cheeseburgers and all the other various yummy things he has placed in front of me are certainly contributing to my latest transformation.

I guess what I am really saying is I'm embracing the lbs. It is so worthwhile and for the first time in my life food isn't just about me. Or how I can make my belly full and happy. Food is essential in growing a healthy baby. Becoming a parent is a selfless act and I am sure this is only the beginning in a line of many more to come.

What I considered junk turned treasure

2012-02-06T16:43:00.000-08:00

Lately, this has become a pretty common "accessory" for my husband to wear around the house. To fully explain the stethoscope, a small back story is necessary. You see, my husband is his father's son. He is a pack rat and finds it hard to part with just about anything. I, too, like my things and I'm far from a minimalist, but I draw the line at trinket, toy things that collect dust and mostly sit in a drawer and don't get used.

Not Zach.

I have tried countless times to gently help him part with things such as a book of dice games, yo-yo's, magnetic gyro wheels (yes, he owns three), a very scary ventriloquist doll which you can view here, a vintage psychologist's couch and vintage dentist chair (he did finally say goodbye to the dentist chair) and countless other "interesting" items......mostly all of which I consider to be junk.

Here is where I eat my words and admit I was wrong when it comes to at least one of those items. In this drawer of stuff lived a stethoscope. Fast forward to the current story. Two weeks ago my mom told Zach we should be able to hear the baby's heartbeat in the next few weeks with a stethoscope. He went straight to his drawer and pulled out his stethoscope. The very stethoscope I looked him straight in the face and requested he toss out. My exact words were "when will we ever use this?" I am glad he stood his ground.

The other day we heard the heartbeat using something from Zach's junk drawer. Amazing how quickly something can turn all new and shiny and move from the junk pile to the treasure pile.

Short order cook

2012-01-24T19:19:00.000-08:00

I haven't enjoyed cooking quite as long as I've enjoyed eating.

It is a passion found late in college when money was tight and nights were long and hazy. It is pretty amazing what you can do with a chicken breast and a refrigerator door filled with the standard condiments.

One thing a person who is soaked in wine and a someone taking the first bite of good meal have in common is the sound.

"Mmmm." "Ohhhh." Ummph."

No, this isn't going to transition into a fertility post about making a baby.

The sounds someone makes or the way they look when taking a bite of something that tastes good makes me smile. Doing something that keeps someone kicking for another day, well, that a plus too.

Nowadays, however, because of the fact I'm feeding someone who is building a person and another one that is being built, it seems a little more important than before.

There are also the limitations that come with feeding a pregnant wife.

First off, it seems there are a lot of tasty foods that could harm a growing fetus. Some of the best cured meats and rich cheeses are off limits. Blah.

Secondly, nothing ever sounds good to my lovely wife. When we don't cook at home, it usually takes us about 30 minutes to decide what sounds good. Not good, not good at all.

Third, dishes that take a long time to make, aren't appetizing when they reach the plate because of the overdose of smells while cooking. I don't know how to cook fast food.

When certain cravings hit, I have learned to quickly take advantage of them.

I have become a short-order cook.

I'm ok with that.

Sometimes it is breakfast for every meal. I've cooked eggs each and every way possible. I've cooked beans and ham, tapas and all the pasta dishes under the Italian flag. Hamburgers, taco salads and risotto. Hummus, pork tenderloin and pot roast. Posole, mushroom soup (wasn't a hit) and chili. Just to name a few.

I've cooked out of the library of Jamie Oliver, Rick Bayless, Julia Child, Ree Drummond, Lidia Matticchio Bastianich, Bobby Flay and all the other Food Network and Cooking Channel hosts.

Chinese, Vietnamese, Spanish, Greek, Indian, Mexican, American. We've traveled the culinary world and we're less than four months in.

By the end, this kid's going to say breast milk isn't flavored well enough. I'm ok with that. As long as he or she likes onions and goat cheese, the two things his or her mom dislikes.

Just call me Mel and welcome to my diner. Can I take your order?

Baby x's 3

2012-01-24T17:33:00.000-08:00

No, we aren't expecting triplets, but there will be three new additions to our family by next holiday season. Because of that, this past Christmas was a particularly memorable holiday. That's me, Zach's cousin Miranda, and Mikkel's, one of his other cousins, wife, Ashley. Yup, we are all pregnant. It was a really special time to celebrate with family, complain about the aches and pains that come along with building a human and most of all think about what it will be like next year with three babies crawling around. Eek!

The kid isn't the only thing growing

2012-01-17T17:54:00.000-08:00

Before we knew it, a pile of clothes, toys and other baby things sprouted in the corner of our living room. Let's hope this child decides to be a minimalist because we could be clinically classified as hoarders.

Pregnancy isn't for the faint of heart

2012-01-14T08:31:00.000-08:00

14 weeks into building a human being and I am shocked I haven't turned into a saltine cracker. I am not kidding. I should have counted how many sleeves of these babies I have blown threw over the past 8 weeks. There were days these crackers were the only thing I could keep down before the lunch hour.

Morning sickness is no joke. For woman who have experienced it....you know exactly what I am talking about. It's hard to prepare someone for, since every woman and every pregnancy is different. It should, however, be renamed. Yes, generally speaking I felt worse in the morning but it is not limited to the hours before noon. All day sickness is more fitting.

As awful as it has been, there is something oddly reassuring about being sick everyday. In these early months of pregnancy (especially as a first time mother) you can't feel anything therefore are constantly wondering is everything is ok "in there." Morning sickness is a great sign. It's that reassurance everything is sailing along smoothly.

I reminded myself A LOT it was temporary and complained A LOT to my husband and best friend (who is 6 weeks ahead of me in her pregnancy). I can feel myself coming out of the fog of being sick and the exhaustion of the first trimester. I am ready to enjoy being pregnant.....or at least ready to try!

My husband's way of passing time in a maternity store

2012-01-04T16:58:00.000-08:00

Why you should never take your husband shopping for maternity clothes. By the way, he texted me this photo from the dressing room next door, giggling all the while. I am glad the lady helping us at A Pea in the Pod thought he was funny. Especially after she told him congratulations and he said to her, "oh, I'm not the father, we really don't know who is."

Expect a delivery in July

2011-12-14T17:48:00.000-08:00

The Rudy of sperm

2011-12-12T11:31:00.000-08:00

Male infertility.

A topic, even when I was a journalist, I didn't think I'd be writing about. It isn't sexy, it isn't fun and it isn't really the part of the reproductive storyline I find the most interesting.

However, with life, we are dealt the hand which we must deal with.

When Kathy and I met we were both a touch older than the average first time marriage in Oklahoma (26) and younger than those in states like New York, Massachusetts and Rhode Island (30).

We married in 2006 and felt it was important to spend time together, just the two of us, traveling and living life alone before taking the next step and bringing a person into the world.

It worked for us. We ate a lot of good food, spent time with our friends and family and traveled as far as Rome. We were, and are, happy and enjoyed our time together.

As time passed and we got older, we started to realize it was probably time to start a family. Yes, we are honest, age was a big factor, we weren't getting any younger, and we knew as each year passed the chances we would have a harder time conceiving would increase. But more than age, we both noticed an unspoken change in how we felt when we were around our friends' and families' children.

It was time.

After a year of trying to conceive on our own, with no success, we decided to bring science into the bedroom. Although we both knew it was what needed to be done, I was even more aware I was first to be put under the microscope.

Before I knew all the ins and outs, I thought getting a woman pregnant was a fairly simple process. Let's be honest, when you are out and about, you see a lot of woman who are pregnant - young and old, from all socio-economic classes. An oops moment or not, it seemed to be fairly easy based on all the bumps walking around out there. Not to mention, humans have been pretty successful sticking around.

But I quickly learned it is a complicated dance of chance. Everything needs to be aligned and only if you're lucky does that one sperm combine with the egg. It is harder when there are some challenges and as each month passes the heavier the disappointment becomes.

I could be very graphic in telling the story of my experience and the anxiety that came along with the first appointment alone to the fertility doctor. Let's just say it wasn't as bad as my third visit when I came out of the "donation" room, into a waiting area full of women with my pants unzipped and fly wide open. To make it even more awkward, I knew one of the girls waiting to see the doctor. It was just my luck.

Besides the weirdness that comes with the male's part of figuring out what's wrong in the pregnancy process, it is a cakewalk compared to what Kathy had to go through. Her’s was a little more invasive and a few times more painful than mine.

After multiple appointments and tests, we sat in a small exam room to get the results. Describing the emotions is pretty difficult, especially after hearing that my sperm was the cause of our trouble.

Throughout this process I've learned and researched more than I ever wanted to know about the male and female reproductive system. You tend to do that when it is your body preventing something like this from happening.

Male sperm is judged on speed (motility), looks (morphology) and quantity (count). While everything else was high, my sperm came in last in the beauty portion (morphology) of the competition. Two out of three usually isn't bad, however it makes the difference in getting your wife pregnant.

You never want something to be wrong with your partner, but I would be lying if it wasn't a punch to the stomach finding out it was me.

Our chances were low and our doctor was honest.

The most common question after hearing news like this is, "what caused this." The answer was important to me so I could have some closure before we started down the road of treatment. However and sadly, sometimes the why remains unknown.

What was now known is we had to decide which fertility treatment to choose. Both had different costs, risks and success rates.

It was emotional and a lot to digest.

It had been a year of monthly disappointments. Because we had to change our lifestyle and routine a few weeks out of the month, we distanced ourselves from friends. When we were asked, "how's it going," the truthful answer would have been, "pretty damn shitty," but instead was, "pretty good, just staying busy."

We created an island to avoid questions. It might not have been the best thing to do, but it is how we coped. After talking to others, this seems to be fairly common in the process.

However, after finding out what the problem was we now had options.

Baby making is a business and just like everything there is a price tag. We had basically two options, the Lexus (IUI) or the Mercedes (IVF). Both are expensive, both had lower success rates than you’d expect.

The difference is the toll it would take on Kathy's body. IUI is pretty straightforward, but has lower success rates. They take my sperm, get the good ones, wash them and then transfer to Kathy's uterus.

IVF is a more complex procedure that would require Kathy to take lots of drugs and injections, then at the right time the doctor would retrieve her egg and one of my sperm, combine them in a dish and implant it back into Kathy's uterus.

After much debate and sitting through an overwhelming, hour-long class on IVF, we decided to take our chances and buy three Lexuses, hoping each time we bought one it would increase our odds at success.

Our first attempt in early September was unsuccessful and hit us, especially me, pretty hard. During this time it seemed like a lot of friends and family were telling us they were pregnant, which is a tough spot to be in. Inside you are very happy for them, but it is hard to show on the outside. I even had to cancel my birthday plans with my family in Pryor because I didn't want to be an emotional Debbie Downer. Trust me folks, it was for the best.

As we prepared for the second try in mid-to-late October, we were pros at being let down. This try was the one where I came out from the examine room with my fly unzipped. Best thing that could have happened that day because the humiliation put smiles on our faces.

Once the procedure was finished, the two-week waiting period began. Let me tell you, it is all you can think about. The constant thought of "did it work," "what if it didn't," and "what if it doesn't," rolls through your head like a carousel.

About a week and a half later, Kathy got a cold and became pretty stupid. She would put the wrong words together and say stuff that didn't make sense. It is hard to put hope in stupidity and snot, but we were grappling for a glimmer of a sign.

If someone picked up my iPad during this time and looked at my Google search history, including Kathy, they'd think I lost my mind - "Is a cold a sign of pregnancy," "pregnancy symptoms flu," "my wife is stupid is she pregnant," ok I didn't search for the last one, but you get the point.

Two weeks later, on a Monday night after work, we decided would be when she would take the pregnancy test. That day was the longest one ever. We both didn't want to get our hopes up, but were excited about the possibility of a positive.

After three consecutives test to verify, all were positive.

I had a Rudy sperm that beat the odds and hit the field with passion.

Yes, I envisioned a sperm in a football helmet, scoring a touchdown on Notre Dame's field. Sean Astin, the same guy who played Samwise Gamgee in Lord of the Rings, with a tail played the role of my sperm.

That little guy me proud.

So here we are almost two months later, telling the news and coming off our island. It feels good to share our story and hope our friends and family understand now why we've been a bit weird lately. It has been us, not you.

I'm excited about bringing a life in the world, but at the same time I'm quite nervous. Not the raising of a child, that is another story, but the act of putting together organs and limbs. Making a baby is a scary thing and full of emotions.

I want to thank Kathy for being there for me those couple of times I had all I could take and for building a baby for us.

Also many thanks to my parents as well as Kathy’s. We are glad, even though it wasn’t the brightest of times, you provided support and strength. Thanks for listening and giving us more hope than we had.

Development

2011-12-11T18:13:00.000-08:00

A year's worth of emotions

2011-12-09T18:21:00.000-08:00

Most people think when you decide to start a family it will just magically happen. In fact, most women spend much of their lives actively trying to prevent pregnancy, so the thought of not being “protected” would surely result in a baby immediately. Unfortunately, that isn't the way things always go. One in six couples struggle with infertility. This year, Zach and I learned we were part of that statistic.

When we started this process a year an a half ago, I'll be honest, I wasn't entirely sure I was ready to have a baby. I knew Zach was ready and frankly I wasn't getting any younger. Month after month my relief turned into sadness when I still hadn't become pregnant. Around month nine, I knew in my gut something was wrong and I think Zach did too. He tried to be so supportive but on the inside was just as scared as I was. When we finally decided to make the appointment to see a fertility doctor, I never really expected them to tell us there was something wrong.

Being told it is unlikely you will get pregnant the old fashioned way can be described no other way except it is like mourning a loss. The loss of getting to experience the joy of getting pregnant without all the ovulation tests, temperature monitoring, hormones that make you crazy, calculated schedule and the controlled environment your life becomes. All the stuff that takes the romance out of something so special. I felt cheated out of getting to have that experience. I went from not really being sure I wanted a baby to so extremely sad I might never have one.

People who haven't personally experienced infertility have no idea what it feels like to be told you can't have a baby without the help of modern medicine. Or the emotional roller coaster you go through month after month waiting to see if you are pregnant or if whatever you have decided to try (IUI or IVF) worked.

It is very hard to articulate such a strong feeling. You can't explain the emotion behind receiving news like that, let alone sharing it. We told a few family members, friends and people there was no way around not telling. I've learned people have no idea what to say. Sometimes their questions were insensitive or seemed lacking in compassion. It is an awkward piece of information to be told. Positive or negative, I've found people never react the way you envision. After I was away from the situation a little it started to make more sense to me.

The other thing that happens when you can't get pregnant, is every single person in your life seems to be pregnant. Facebook became this thing I dreaded looking at because every single day someone we knew was announcing their pregnancy. Distance helped me realize they didn't have any idea what we were dealing with. I would be lying if I said it didn't sting and a small part of me was jealous. You want so badly to be happy for those people and sometimes you are. Other times you think “why not me.”

The woman in the grocery store checking out in front of you is pregnant, your favorite waitress at the sushi restaurant you frequent is pregnant, co-workers are pregnant, every single TV show you watch has a plot with someone who is pregnant, woman on billboards and commercials are pregnant. You literally can't escape it. The word hypersensitivity comes to mind. But, it is an exposed wound and sometimes something as simple as a pregnant stranger pumping gas next to you makes you lose your shit.

One thing I have learned from this, and will be conscience of going forward, is you should never presume others aren't having the same problems we had. Meaning, questions as simple as “when are you going to start a family” or “don't you guys want to have a baby, you've been married for five years” can be innocent yet incredibly hurtful. The most common conversation starter is really just a question you should never ask any couple.

So, after many sad months and a few failed attempts, I am pregnant. That's right, Zach and I are going to become parents in July. Typing those words fills me with joy and makes me so thankful we didn't give up. Deciding to tell people about our experience was something that came so naturally. It is part of our story. I may not have told my version as humorously as my husband did but it is one of the most honest things I've ever shared.